Shitpost (TV series)/Unikitty and Puppycorn's Bogus Adventure
Unikitty and Puppycorn's Bogus Adventure is the 6th episode of the third season of Shitpost, and is the 48th episode overall. Premise In this 30-minute special, Unikitty and Puppycorn are ejected from the Mancave Council, and Raymond drives them and the cast to Heaven to get them readmitted by God, since he ultimately determines who is or isn't part of the Mancave Council. But when Raymond takes a wrong turn, they end up having a rest stop at an intergalactic casino, and Master Frown gambles away his 50-seating Ferrari. Saraline, Dr. Fox, Unikitty, Puppycorn and Ansi pretend to be members of an alien tribe in an attempt to get it back, and are sent to embark on a vision quest to prove their heritage, giving the five of them an opportunity to bond. Script (Open on: an outside view of the back window of the mancave's office, where Unikitty and Puppycorn are doing taxes drawing pictures with crayons.) (UNIKITTY rises from her seat and begins to sing.) UNIKITTY: (singing, upbeat) What a great day! Wouldn't have it any other way! Sometimes I wonder why, others would rather die! Wouldn't have it any other way on this fine, grand day! Come on, Little Bro! Let's shout! UNIKITTY AND PUPPYCORN: (in unison) HOORAY! UNIKITTY: (singing, upbeat) Life is marvelous and totally not boring, (normal voice) It's 6 PM and I can hear Richard snoring. (singing voice) I'm here in my office with my Lil' Bro, Oh, woah, wooooah! This is everything that I could ever ask for, Except maybe Satan, that son of a whore. Other than that bore, there is way much more, To be happy about! I keep the mancave in order, Keep immigrants out our border, We're being stalked by a hoarder, But other than that, everything is awesome and so much more! (UNIKITTY raises her arms and the camera cuts to above her, and slowly zooms out as she shouts.) UNIKITTY: (prolonged) MY LIFE IS FREAKIN' SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! (UNIKITTY sits back in her seat happily and grabs some crayons, stopping them from rolling off her desk.) UNIKITTY: I'm gonna draw you a beautiful paper bird! (The GOD-MONITOR behind UNIKITTY begins to turn on and glitch out for 3 seconds.) PUPPYCORN: What in the name of our Christian God? (The GOD-MONITOR then shows GOD fiddling with it briefly before he sits down.) UNIKITTY: (happily) GOD!! HIIIII!!! (UNIKITTY rises from her chair, revealing the monitor of the computer on her desk, which shows that she has been browsing r/nosleep on Reddit.) GOD: (deadpan) Unikitty and Puppycorn, I regret to inform you both that you have been ejected from Mancave Council. I am in the process of finding two individuals to replace you. PUPPYCORN: (worried) Why!? GOD: The both of you set awful examples for your fellow mancavers. UNIKITTY: But that doesn't matter! We NEVER abused our powers, though! At least we're not doing that, God! GOD: Correct, and I'm proud of you for not doing so. However, the both of you, from what it seems, would much rather draw paper animals than actually set things straight. Unikitty, your annoying bisexual doomlord husband was nearly set on fire, and you did nothing. UNIKITTY: Well, I had no idea he was burning! GOD: Probably because you never leave the downstairs office. UNIKITTY: I have a life outside of this job, you know! PUPPYCORN: (enraged) Hey God, slap your balls and die, you stupid liberal! GOD: I'm in the process of getting my balls, Puppycorn. (The GOD-MONITOR switches off.) UNIKITTY: (upset) I can't believe it! PUPPYCORN: We should... (Cut to: a view of many of the characters at the doorway.) PUPPYCORN: (O.S.) ...Tell the others. DR. FOX: Ah, fuck. I can't believe y'all've done this. DENDY: Without our presidents, this mancave will fall apart! RAYMOND: I'm calling that damn dude right now. We're going over his head! Straight to God's office. Pack your bags, you guys! We're hitting the Heavens! (Everyone cheers) (Diagonal cross out transition to: everyone in Raymond's 50-seating Ferrari) RAYMOND: All revved up and ready to go! MASTER FROWN: (screaming loud enough to make the speakers crack a bit) LET'S HIT THE ROOOAD! PUPPYCORN: Dude, that was right in my fucking ear. BROCK: I don't even have ears. MASTER FROWN: Aren't you not allowed to swear? PUPPYCORN: I can swear, cocklord. Also, you're a fucking cuck. (Everyone sans MASTER FROWN begins to do that "OHHHHHHH" noise people make when someone does a really good roast.) RAYMOND: Can everyone like, shut the fuck up for five seconds? I'm not even off the driveway yet and all of you are acting like actual buffoons. PUPPYCORN: Can I have my Cory in the House DVD? (UNIKITTY throws a Cory in the House DVD at PUPPYCORN.) PUPPYCORN: Thanks, Sis! RAYMOND: Everyone ready?! (Everyone cheers and says "YEAH!" in unison) (Cut to: a shot of RAYMOND's ferrari leaving the driveway and onto the road.) (Swipe transition to: a shot of RAYMOND's ferrari driving on the road.) (Cut to: the inside of RAYMOND's ferrari, which shows RAYMOND drawing while everyone is sitting in the back.) FINK: Hey, what do you say we sing a driving song? DARRELL: Why not? (Everyone begins to sing "The Rose" like in that one scene from Family Guy) FINK: (impressed) Wow, we sounded pretty good! SARALINE: Thank you, Seth MacFarlane. We'll see you in court. (winks at the camera) (PUPPYCORN coughs.) (The ferrari begins making weird noises) SHANNON: What was that? RAYMOND: Nothing. FINK (O.S.): My throat hurts. (Gurgling can be heard) SHANNON: Raymond, the car is making funny noises. RAYMOND: You're wrong again, Shannon. That wasn't the car. (shudders) SHANNON: (concerned) Are you okay? RAYMOND: I'll be fine. I just have to concentrate on driving... (Cut to: the back, where UNIKITTY and DR. FOX are debating about something.. I guess?) UNIKITTY: Doc... DR. FOX: There’s something right behind me, isn’t there? (PUPPYCORN is seen peeking behind DR. FOX.) PUPPYCORN: Pee! SUSIE: Ew, what the fuck?! DEZ: HAHA HE SAID PEE AKIKO: CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT PEE NOW? I'M TRYING TO WATCH HETALIA. DEZ: Who's your husbando? Mine's Iceland. AKIKO: Mine is France! (Cut back to: the front of the car.) MASTER FROWN: Fucking hell, how far away is Heaven? It's 1:30 in the goddamn morning. RAYMOND: Fret not! We're taking a rest stop! (RAYMOND sees a sign that says "Only 15 Miles to Bob's House of Feces") SHANNON: Oh, come on! That's not even real! SUSIE: What if it was? Wouldn't that be fucked up? SHANNON: God fucking damn it Susie. (SUSIE smirks and lowers herself so SHANNON doesn't see her.) SHANNON: Susie, I know you're there. (SHANNON looks behind her to where SUSIE is supposed to be. She doesn't see her, and facepalms.) (The beginning notes of "Super Hot" by PRODUCE 101 begin to play as RAYMOND keeps driving, and PUPPYCORN happily takes note of the large McDonalds they pass by, searching for a rest stop. Soon, RAYMOND comes across a massive warehouse-sized casino with a giant, lime green neon sign saying “INTERGALACTIC CASINO!”) (more gurgling noises can be heard) RAYMOND: Oh, Christ! We gotta stop! (Car screeching can be heard, and the gang ends up at Planet XYZ Intergalactic Casino and Events Centre) DR. FOX: Wow! An alien casino! (RAYMOND falls down on one knee.) RAYMOND: Ah, Christ! (SARALINE jumps out of the car) SARALINE: This is absolutely pathetic. SARALINE'S THOUGHTS: (echoed mind effect) I actually kind of like it. PUPPYCORN: (enthusiastic) ALIENS! WOOOOOOOOOO! (Everyone walks into the casino.) (Cut to: everyone in the inside of the casino. ANSI grabs SARALINE and OLLY's hands.) ANSI: We'll be over there. (nods his head to the left) UNIKITTY: Okay! Don't get lost! (Cut to: OLLY grabbing a Pickle Rick shirt and checking it out as ANSI and SARALINE talk.) ANSI: Did you see the new Rick and Morty episode last night? SARALINE: No. I was too busy participating in the Thanos Banwave on Reddit. ANSI: Did you end up getting banned? (SARALINE takes a sip out of her watered down McDonald's beverage.) SARALINE: (smiling) Yes. (OLLY jumps out of a dressing room curtain with a Pickle Rick shirt on.) OLLY: (screaming loud enough to make the speakers crack a bit) I'M PICKLE RICK, MOTHERFUCKERS! I'M PICKLE RICK! (OLLY gets on a counter and t-poses. It then cuts to ANSI chuckling, and eventually laughing so hard, his face turns blue and he falls on the floor.) SARALINE: The both of you are asinine. (SARALINE walks off, beverage in hand.) (Cut to: MASTER FROWN at a poker booth. UNIKITTY walks behind him, surprised.) UNIKITTY: Woah, Master Frown! I didn't know you could play poker! MASTER FROWN: It's lit, fam. UNIKITTY: You feeling okay, Frowny? MASTER FROWN: Of course. UNIKITTY: Fantastic! Let's go find the others. (UNIKITTY begins running off.) UNIKITTY: (O.S.) DR. FOX! PUPPYCORN! EVERYONE ELSE! WE'RE LEAVING! (Everyone sans UNIKITTY begins grouping up faster and more rapidly than the human eye can blink. OLLY is still wearing the Pickle Rick shirt he bought, and ANSI and SARALINE are now wearing Pickle Rick shirts as well, with SARALINE wearing a Pickle Rick baseball cap.) (Everyone walks out of the casino and goes off to find the car. RAYMOND walks up to an empty spot, where his ferrari was.) RAYMOND: Jeez, I thought I parked here. MASTER FROWN: (reluctant) Yes, you did, but here's the fun part - I sort of bet your car. (Everyone begins to scream at MASTER FROWN.) UNIKITTY: (exclaiming) Okay, I'm not going to panic. I just need to go back in the casino and find an incel who'll pay $86,500 to sleep with my husband. MASTER FROWN: What the fuck, Unikitty!? UNIKITTY: It's joke! SARALINE: (sarcastically) Nice going, dude. You lose Raymond's car to a poker machine. How fantastic. UNIKITTY: Saraline, don't. Now come on, we gotta figure out a way to get to Heaven. MASTER FROWN: Oh, I'm sorry, Raymond. It just seemed like such a good cause. Everyone in the tribe gets a share in the casino's profits. UNIKITTY: What did you just say? MASTER FROWN: "Everyone in the tribe gets a share in the casino's profits." UNIKITTY: That's it! Let's move! (Everyone runs back into the casino and runs to MR. Z, the owner's office.) MR. Z: Come in. (The door to MR. Z's office is opened.) MR. Z: (condescendingly) I'm sorry to hear about your "misfortune." We're not allowed to return gambling losses. ANSI: Well, I think you can make an exception in our case, Z-Boy. See, I'm an Alien, too. SARALINE: Me too. UNIKITTY and PUPPYCORN: (in unison) Us as well! MR. Z and MASTER FROWN (in unison): Excuse me? ANSI: You heard me. I'm a member of your tribe. And that entitles me to a share of your alien currency. MR. Z: Not so fast. Tell me of your history. ANSI: Oh, I come from a long line of...you people. My great-great-great-great-grandfather's name was Zip Zap Zoobiddybop the First - Wait, I mean, Cthulu. He was a child murderer. ...And he also killed his cousin. MR. Z: Allow me to confer with the council of the Alien elders. You all wait right here. SARALINE: Ansi, are you fucking insane? We'll never get away with this. ANSI: (condescendingly) And what makes you think that, Saraline? (has a smug look on his face as he finishes speaking) SARALINE: Ansi, there is no way they're gonna believe you're an Alien. ALIEN: They're Aliens, alright. MR. Z: How do you know? ALIEN: I can just tell by looking at them. MR. Z: (angered) Oh, you think everyone's an Alien. They could just be mooches trying to get a cut of our profits. LIONEL: Maybe we can put him through a test, you know? Like a really impossible stunt to prove he's the real deal. MR. Z: That's an amazing strategy, Lionel! (MR. Z walks back into his office) MR. Z: To prove you four are truly a member of our tribe, you must go on a vision quest. Do you know what a vision quest is? UNIKITTY: ...Of course I do. I'm an Alien. But why don't you explain it to Frown over there? He's a little slow in the head. (MASTER FROWN growls.) MR. Z: A vision quest is a sacred spiritual journey. You four must go out in the wilderness without food or water. You four must remain there until you can communicate with nature. You must hear the wisdom of the rocks and trees. And then, your guiding spirit must appear to you and reveal a great personal truth. And it's gotta be a real vision. We're Aliens. We're gonna know if you're lying. (UNIKITTY, PUPPYCORN, SARALINE and ANSI all look at eachother, clearly worried.) MR. Z: (laughs a bit) Suckers. MASTER FROWN: (concerned) Unikitty, please don't do this. We can buy another car. I'll make more videos on my YouTube channel for ad revenue. PUPPYCORN: Come on, Frown. All I gotta do is have a spiritual vision! MR. Z: You must begin your journey now. DR. FOX: Ansi! Now's your chance to be alone with Saraline. (snickers) ANSI: Are you nuts? I'm not attracted to Saraline. I'm gay. DR. FOX: Fuck it, can I come? UNIKITTY: Why not? MR. Z: Ay, what the heck. The more the merrier. Now get the hell out of here, you nuts. And go have yourself a spiritual vision. (Cut to: UNIKITTY, PUPPYCORN, ANSI, SARALINE and DR. FOX walking out into the forest. 10 minutes have passed, and UNIKITTY found a body of water.) UNIKITTY: Water! Phew! PUPPYCORN: I'm hungry. Are we gonna die? UNIKITTY: Pfft, of course not. (Cut back to: the office.) MASTER FROWN: (concerned) They've been gone for over six hours. How long do these "vision quests" usually take? MR. Z: It varies, you know?. It depends on the person's age, and height... and some other third thing. MASTER FROWN: You have no idea, do you? MR. Z: No I do not. MASTER FROWN: Well, then, why would you send my fellow mancavers out into the wilderness without any food or supplies? MR. Z: Well, uhh... (MASTER FROWN loudly sighs.) (Cut to: the outside.) UNIKITTY: I. Am. Starving. TREE: (does the laugh from Feel Good Inc.) What's poppin, Jimbo? UNIKITTY: H-huh? TREE: What's poppin, Jimbo? UNIKITTY: I haven't eaten in six hours. Wait- holy shit! I'm communicating with nature! TREE: Indeed you are! (An astral version of MASTER FROWN appears) ASTRAL MASTER FROWN: Hey, Unikitty! UNIKITTY: Frowny? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the office? ASTRAL MASTER FROWN: Of course, but I'm your spiritual guide! I'm just an astral version of the original Frown! Whoa! UNIKITTY: Sure, whatever you say. ASTRAL MASTER FROWN: Well, I really don't know how to be a spirital guide, so goodbye! See you in your fever dreams, and nightmares! UNIKITTY: Bye, Frowny! (ASTRAL MASTER FROWN disappears into the darkness.) PUPPYCORN: (O.S.) Sis! Come here! (UNIKITTY runs over to PUPPYCORN, DR. FOX, SARALINE and ANSI.) DR. FOX: We're lighting a fire! SARALINE: ...Dangerously close to a tree. ANSI: Stop it. TREE: The void calls, and sometimes, I wanna fucking answer. ANSI: Me too! Anyone else relate? UNIKITTY, SARALINE, DR. FOX and PUPPYCORN: (in unison) Yeah. SARALINE: Have you ever got grey hairs despite being 8 years old? UNIKITTY, ANSI, DR. FOX and PUPPYCORN: (in unison) No. (TREE catches fire.) PUPPYCORN: FIRE! RUN! (Everyone runs away as far as possible.) UNIKITTY: Sometimes I just wonder why I'm always so happy all the time. Like, I'm never sad, ever. PUPPYCORN: Yeah, same. DR. FOX: Can't relate. ANSI: We might not have much in common, but I think we make a good team. SARALINE: This isn't a team, but go off. ANSI: (loud sigh) The point is, I think we all get along pretty well, wouldn't you say? UNIKITTY: Yeah! (Cut to: the office. UNIKITTY burts the door open and she, PUPPYCORN, ANSI, DR. FOX and SARALINE strike a pose upon being revealed.) UNIKITTY: What's up, fuckers? RICHARD: Are you guys okay? UNIKITTY: It went great - and the best part is, I found my guiding spirit! MR. Z: You had a vision? UNIKITTY: It was Frown! MASTER FROWN: Me? PUPPYCORN: That's what she said. MR. Z: Oh, I want a spiritual vision, too! Man! I guess we've lost touch with our ancestry... Hey, you know what, take your crappy car back. Come on, boys. Let's go hit up the buffet. UNIKITTY: Woo! We passed a vision quest, AND we got Raymond's car back! (Cut to: Everyone back in RAYMOND's ferrari.) UNIKITTY: Well, it's 9 AM, and I am surprisingly not exhausted. PUPPYCORN: Same, I am wiiiide awake. (Fade transition to UNIKITTY and PUPPYCORN in the basement watching TV, when the monitor goes to static, and they see GOD before them.) GOD: It has come to my attention that you two braved the vision quest you were sent on, and worked together as a team with your fellow mancavers. What I'm getting at here is, congratulations. You two are now Mancave President and Vice President again. UNIKITTY: Really? You mean it? GOD: Yes, I mean it. You two have proven yourselves worthy, and I am very proud of you both for that. Thanks again, see ya! (GOD stops the interrupted broadcast.) UNIKITTY: I'm so glad we're Presidents again! PUPPYCORN: Same! You wanna watch Big Mouth to celebrate? UNIKITTY: Nah, I think we should end this off with a cliche ending in which everyone dances and sings to a forced musical number. (UNIKITTY and PUPPYCORN sing "We've Got God") (The two laugh as the episode fades to black, ending it.) Trivia *This episode is inspired by, and is an essential rewrite of the Family Guy episode "The Son Also Draws". Category:Shitpost (TV series) Category:Stuff by PixelMiette